Protecting Personal & Family Time

I read a posting by one of my favorite authors, Orson Scott Card, titled Fun Need Not be the Enemy of Good (http://mormontimes.com/mormon_voices/orson_scott_card/?id=13517). He recounted a lesson taught to his children by a wise teacher. She taught them to use three index cards. On one they wrote the things they wanted to accomplish by the time they were 21. On the second they recorded all the things they enjoyed doing and made them happy. On the third they recorded the things that got in the way of doing what was written on the other two cards. He appreciated the approach of including the things we like to do (fun) with the things we want to do (goals) and controlling the things that get in the way.

Mr. Card reminded me of some great council given to me in 1985. I had just been appointed to a leadership position in a community service organization. A friend of mine, in a higher position in the same organization, gave me council that changed my life. He said

"This position can consume your life. Take time at the beginning of each month to mark your calendar with all the time you want to spend with your family and on yourself. When someone asks to meet with you at a time you already reserved. Don't change what you already reserved. Instead tell them 'I'm sorry. I already have something marked for that time. Would XX be alright for you?" "Don't think" he said "that your alone time or family time is less important than the time you give others."

I have practiced that counsel ever since. I started taking my children's and my wife's birthdays and our anniversary off as annual leave. I reserved times to attend any game or performance my children had. I set aside time to "sharpen my saw" as Stephen Covey would say. I set aside times to "go to beautiful places to ponder, meditate, and recharge."

I carried the advice a step further. I block out family times at the beginning of each year--and confirm them each month and week.

It changed my life. I didn't lose those precious moments that pass too quickly as our children grow. I spent time building a relationship with my wife that keeps growing as our children move away and start their own families. I rejoice that one of the legacies I gave them was my time. I thrill to see them putting the same counsel into practice in their own lives.

Setting the time aside didn't lessen what I accomplished. I look at my career with a few regrets of things I would have done differently, but mostly I feel I accomplished something worthwhile. I gave back to my community by serving on several boards including the United Way and others. I reached out to others to lift them and try to improve their lives with my time and money.

I don't hold myself as an example of what you should do. Each person needs to live their lives as they see fit. I just want to share some great advice that was given me by a man who wound up living his life the fullest, even though he died in his early 50's. I want his example, his counsel, to help you improve your life as it did mine. Thank you Keo.