Others Will Help--to a Point

I help people find jobs. I've been doing it for more than 30 years. People think I'm pretty good at it. I've helped people in 22 countries. This blog, however, is not about me. It's about other people being willing to help you achieve your goals. More to the point, this blog will focus what to do--and not to do--to keep those relationships strong.

As I said, I help people find jobs. This economy increased the number needing help. Traffic in our center rose from an average 360 a month to an average of 1,100 a month. People in my church congregation ask more assistance finding jobs. One Sunday five people stopped me in the hall asking for assistance. I felt completely overwhelmed. I wanted to run away and hide.

What they asked me to do, and what they were willing to do, impacted my desire to render assistance. So, I would like to share some simple rules for asking others to help.

1. Ask for small assistance at first
2. Ensure that they know you are doing more than them
3. Follow-through on the help they give you

Ask for small assistance at first so others don't feel overwhelmed. Many times people unnerve helpers by asking too much up front. Let me share two examples,

• One person asked me to help him find a job. He wanted me to do everything from finding the job openings for him (he didn't have Internet), call the people to see if they were interested (he feared rejection), and drive him to the interviews (he didn't have the car and felt the bus ride was too long). He gave me no incentive at all to provide assistance. He didn't want assistance. He wanted someone to do it all for him.
• A colleague asked me to help her husband find a job. I found a company looking for someone with exactly his skills. I emailed him the information and called him to give him details. His response was to request that I review and edit his his cover letter and resume. Neither one reflected the "insider" information I had provided. It was his stock resume and cover letter. No action had been taken on what I gave him. Just another request. A black hole of requests loomed before me dissolving my interest in helping. So, ask for small assistance at first, and always thank the person for what they did. Don't automatically ask for more.

Ensure they know you are doing more than them to avoid reluctance and irritation. A small-business owner recently requested assistance from members of Marketing Success Institute. He wanted to create a marketing survey on a possible new venture. The group spent about 60 minutes helping him create survey questions, refine them, and edit them. He did all the typing. He did the initial editing. He created the survey, using Survey Monkey, before the meeting ended. He tested it. He refined it again, and retested it. He sent a thank you to every person who helped him create it. Everyone felt good about accomplishing something good. They felt better, because he only asked them to do something small, but everyone recognized that he did most of the work.

Follow-through on the help they give you so they realize they didn't waste time. One person who asked my assistance getting a job did it perfectly. He started small by asking me to spend 3 minutes checking his on-line profile. I spent about 5 minutes and emailed him some suggestions. He thanked me immediately upon receiving the email. The next day he sent me the new text and asked if he had captured my suggestions. He had. His action stimulated me giving him additional suggestions on his profile. He acted upon them and sent me the results. His small requests, followed by prompt action, kept me interested in helping him.

We can't achieve our goals, in today's world, without the help of others. Others are willing to help--to a point. Abuse their willingness, and lose their help. Show sensitivity by following these three guidelines, others increase their desire to help.