Protecting Personal & Family Time

I read a posting by one of my favorite authors, Orson Scott Card, titled Fun Need Not be the Enemy of Good (http://mormontimes.com/mormon_voices/orson_scott_card/?id=13517). He recounted a lesson taught to his children by a wise teacher. She taught them to use three index cards. On one they wrote the things they wanted to accomplish by the time they were 21. On the second they recorded all the things they enjoyed doing and made them happy. On the third they recorded the things that got in the way of doing what was written on the other two cards. He appreciated the approach of including the things we like to do (fun) with the things we want to do (goals) and controlling the things that get in the way.

Mr. Card reminded me of some great council given to me in 1985. I had just been appointed to a leadership position in a community service organization. A friend of mine, in a higher position in the same organization, gave me council that changed my life. He said

"This position can consume your life. Take time at the beginning of each month to mark your calendar with all the time you want to spend with your family and on yourself. When someone asks to meet with you at a time you already reserved. Don't change what you already reserved. Instead tell them 'I'm sorry. I already have something marked for that time. Would XX be alright for you?" "Don't think" he said "that your alone time or family time is less important than the time you give others."

I have practiced that counsel ever since. I started taking my children's and my wife's birthdays and our anniversary off as annual leave. I reserved times to attend any game or performance my children had. I set aside time to "sharpen my saw" as Stephen Covey would say. I set aside times to "go to beautiful places to ponder, meditate, and recharge."

I carried the advice a step further. I block out family times at the beginning of each year--and confirm them each month and week.

It changed my life. I didn't lose those precious moments that pass too quickly as our children grow. I spent time building a relationship with my wife that keeps growing as our children move away and start their own families. I rejoice that one of the legacies I gave them was my time. I thrill to see them putting the same counsel into practice in their own lives.

Setting the time aside didn't lessen what I accomplished. I look at my career with a few regrets of things I would have done differently, but mostly I feel I accomplished something worthwhile. I gave back to my community by serving on several boards including the United Way and others. I reached out to others to lift them and try to improve their lives with my time and money.

I don't hold myself as an example of what you should do. Each person needs to live their lives as they see fit. I just want to share some great advice that was given me by a man who wound up living his life the fullest, even though he died in his early 50's. I want his example, his counsel, to help you improve your life as it did mine. Thank you Keo.

Others Will Help--to a Point

I help people find jobs. I've been doing it for more than 30 years. People think I'm pretty good at it. I've helped people in 22 countries. This blog, however, is not about me. It's about other people being willing to help you achieve your goals. More to the point, this blog will focus what to do--and not to do--to keep those relationships strong.

As I said, I help people find jobs. This economy increased the number needing help. Traffic in our center rose from an average 360 a month to an average of 1,100 a month. People in my church congregation ask more assistance finding jobs. One Sunday five people stopped me in the hall asking for assistance. I felt completely overwhelmed. I wanted to run away and hide.

What they asked me to do, and what they were willing to do, impacted my desire to render assistance. So, I would like to share some simple rules for asking others to help.

1. Ask for small assistance at first
2. Ensure that they know you are doing more than them
3. Follow-through on the help they give you

Ask for small assistance at first so others don't feel overwhelmed. Many times people unnerve helpers by asking too much up front. Let me share two examples,

• One person asked me to help him find a job. He wanted me to do everything from finding the job openings for him (he didn't have Internet), call the people to see if they were interested (he feared rejection), and drive him to the interviews (he didn't have the car and felt the bus ride was too long). He gave me no incentive at all to provide assistance. He didn't want assistance. He wanted someone to do it all for him.
• A colleague asked me to help her husband find a job. I found a company looking for someone with exactly his skills. I emailed him the information and called him to give him details. His response was to request that I review and edit his his cover letter and resume. Neither one reflected the "insider" information I had provided. It was his stock resume and cover letter. No action had been taken on what I gave him. Just another request. A black hole of requests loomed before me dissolving my interest in helping. So, ask for small assistance at first, and always thank the person for what they did. Don't automatically ask for more.

Ensure they know you are doing more than them to avoid reluctance and irritation. A small-business owner recently requested assistance from members of Marketing Success Institute. He wanted to create a marketing survey on a possible new venture. The group spent about 60 minutes helping him create survey questions, refine them, and edit them. He did all the typing. He did the initial editing. He created the survey, using Survey Monkey, before the meeting ended. He tested it. He refined it again, and retested it. He sent a thank you to every person who helped him create it. Everyone felt good about accomplishing something good. They felt better, because he only asked them to do something small, but everyone recognized that he did most of the work.

Follow-through on the help they give you so they realize they didn't waste time. One person who asked my assistance getting a job did it perfectly. He started small by asking me to spend 3 minutes checking his on-line profile. I spent about 5 minutes and emailed him some suggestions. He thanked me immediately upon receiving the email. The next day he sent me the new text and asked if he had captured my suggestions. He had. His action stimulated me giving him additional suggestions on his profile. He acted upon them and sent me the results. His small requests, followed by prompt action, kept me interested in helping him.

We can't achieve our goals, in today's world, without the help of others. Others are willing to help--to a point. Abuse their willingness, and lose their help. Show sensitivity by following these three guidelines, others increase their desire to help.

Travel Goals: Why Not?

My youngest daughter flew to Long Beach, California today. She and several of her friends will cruise the Mexican Riviera next week. She and some other friends will travel to Las Vegas he weekend after she gets back from Mexico. This is the same daughter who traveled to Germany, Switzerland, and the Czech Republic in 2008. She also worked as a youth counselor for a year on the ship that cruises the Hawaiian Islands. She pays for some of her travel, and gets others to pay for other travel.

Many people love to travel. Many have the money and the means to travel on their own. Most do not. Yet, travel does not have to be out of your reach. There are several ways that you can do the travel you desire:

1. Find a job that pays you to travel

2. Share the costs of traveling with others

3. Plan ahead and save the money you need to travel

My mother loves to travel. She and my father have been to every continent. They shared a small road with a lion in Africa. They walked the great wall of China and the pavement of Red Square. At one point, she worked as a mystery shopper for PSA Airlines (now Southwest Air). She flew all over California and got paid to do it. She even helped the company realize that she would look more like a real passenger if she had a child with her. She flew my first three children with her (one at a time). They were ages 5, 4, and 3.

You can start a part-time job or business to earn money for travel. I sold light bulbs door-to-door when I was 13-17. I used the money to attend the Boy Scout National Jamboree in Idaho. We traveled to Canada as part of that trip. I also went to the Boy Scouts world jamboree in Japan. I climbed Mount Fuji in a typhoon, toured Tokyo, Nara, and Kyoto. All from money I earned selling light bulbs.

You can get other people to pay for the travel. In addition, I have been to 32 countries on four continents. Someone else paid for almost every trip. I made sure I found a job that paid me to travel. When 60% travel became too much--I changed jobs.

I know a lady who watches travel inside advice web sites. She recently found one-way air fares to Hartford, Mass for $125. She knows a web site where Priceline shoppers share the deals they got, so that others will know what to bid. She usually shaves 40-70% off her travel costs using these methods.

Other people can help you find the way to travel. You can google them. You can read their blogs. You can send out questions on LinkedIn or Facebook asking people who travel how they pay for it. While I would ignore the ones who encourage you to go into debt and pay for it with a credit card, you may find several other great ideas.

Share them as comments to this blog. Let others see the possibilities.